I was once a perfectionist and "yes girl" that literally left me paralyzed and drowning in work that was unfulfilling to finally taking messy action and launching the dang thing to help myself and women build a life and business they love, on their terms.
Before I finally started my membership group, launched a coaching program and added podcast host to my resume, I had some some serious healing and mindset work that had to be done in order to unblock loads of doubt and help me live and serve to my fullest potential.
Have you ever been there? Blocked by perfectionism, held back by what others might think or even worse, not really believe you could do the big thing on your heart? If so, keep reading my friend.
the wrong business
I didn’t have a smooth ride into entrepreneurship.
While it's pretty cool to say I literally opened my business because a mentor of mine shared with me she would be be my first client if I "took the leap", I was still unsure of what the heck I was even doing.
Humbled by a $300 refurbished laptop and a Facebook page, I opened my doors to a few first clients, all from my dining room table. To say it was scary to take this leap is an understatement.
At the time I had an 8, 6 and 4 year old at home who needed momma's time, income and lap to snuggle on.
Anyone who has ever started a business knows those early days can be grueling.
It's safe to say that I was super naive and thank goodness for that. If I had fully known what was to come, I may not have jumped, hands, feet all in.
The first 5 years were great. We built a nice 6-figure business. I had a team, an office and some pretty cool clients too. But in about 2017 I felt like something was off. Way off.
My gut could feel it too. I wasn't doing all I could do to serve at my highest level. I had gotten content in what I was doing and it didn't challenge me in a way it had before. I had never sought out to build an marketing agency, but alas, it is what I did. And it wasn't me. I was here to do more, to serve more.
This forced me to look inward.
And while I didn't get quite look as deep as I needed to until 2019, I did start to take note as to what made me happy, what made me tick. And then it happened....
… I quickly realized,
“I’m building the wrong freakin’ business."
I was massively confused
I didn’t get out of either business so easily. I knew I wanted something different, I just was wildly unsure of what that "different" was and what it looked like.
I launched ladybee without exactly knowing what it was going to be, just simply I knew I wanted to support women in business with marketing services. I closed my previous marketing firm December of 2019 and launched ladybee on March 8, 2020. And then, a pandemic hit that the world was not prepared for.
Even in a pandemic I tried to get my new business going, but every attempt failed. And I mean every attempt.
Every small “win” was defeated by an even bigger hit of self-doubt, sunk costs and a knowing inside my entrepreneurial gut that taunted me with a crippling sense of, "This isn't it. When the heck are you gonna figure it out? Everyone else has. What's wrong with you? And while we're at it, torturing your headspace, what is it that you really do? What value do you bring to the table?"
Oh yeah, the conversations in my head were horrible.
And with kids and big emotions happening at home, I took that time to simply be "mom".
I instead, spent long hours in front of computer training and investing in my skillset and personal growth but the cash kept going out and without clients to serve, nothing was coming in.
I had painful “heart-to-hearts” with myself, desperately trying to convince me that success was just around the corner, that I could do this! I did launch a few things messy, but my perfectionism and lack of belief in myself created a barrier, everything came up short of success.
It took me a while to figure out no one is coming to save me. This thing, this big business I want so bad isn't just gonna create itself.
I had to be my own cheering section.
I discovered that building the business of my dreams required I believe I could.
It really was that simple. It's like the Wizard of Oz, I had the power all along. [No, not the click the heels three times, there is work to be done too, lol!]
Hard work and belief in one's self is all it takes to get on the trajectory towards success. I was always willing to do the work, it was the belief part that tripped me up.
I had to learn how to believe. Here's what I did:
- Got better habits in place including waking up earlier, removing activities in my day that sucked up my precious energy and built quiet time each day to clear my headspace and express gratitude.
- Continued therapy after starting in November 2019 through a pandemic and to this day, seeking mental health each month.
- Visualized exactly what I wanted my day to look like, then started making moves bring it to life.
- Wrote my goals down so specifically it's as if my brain didn't know I didn't already achieve them.
- Put myself in some crazy uncomfortable situations and asked for what I truly wanted, not in a mean way, rather assertive.
- Set boundaries around my day that left space for creation, working out, reading and meditation.
- Connected with other women online for podcasts, blog features, conference speakers and more to grow my network.
And best of all…
I speak in my truth and made a promise to myself. I finally have given myself to feel something deep on the inside and share it on the outside. I no longer mask feelings or push them deep down, rather my heart is on my sleeve. All the time.
And my business? Well that's growing too.
Action by messy action.
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